When You Can’t Get Up
And You Feel Stuck in a Rut…
What do you do when you feel so ugly, broken, hurt, and alone, that you can’t even find the words or courage to share it with your friends, let alone yourself? What do you do when your life seems stagnate and the only time you ever crack even a half-a-smile is when you’re reliving the Glory Days in your mind? The days when you felt happy, the days when you felt attractive, and the days when you were strong? Those were the days when you were WINNING. How do you get that back? Little-by-Little (that’s how). It’s not something that will happen overnight.
You didn’t get broken in a day and it won’t take a day to fix it. It was a slight falling away day-by-day, that you didn’t even notice was happening until you woke up one day and EVERYTHING had changed. By then, you felt that it was too late, you were STUCK.
That’s exactly what happened to Dena, a 34 year old actress, and mother of two, who got disconnected from the world, and looked up to find one day that she had missed out on nearly of decade of life.
The last time I remember being happy was in my mid-twenties, said Dena. I had plans, I was setting and meeting attainable goals, and I looked great, I had a fun social like and I was really thought I was going places, but disappointment-after-disappointment, relationship woes, and financial instability just chipped away at me slowly until I was too emotionally insecure to fix it. I started to feel like I was losing at everything my hand touched. I started feeling unattractive and my boyfriend started treating me like I was. And now it’s at a place where makeup and a new hairdo won’t help. I can’t fit any of my clothes, my skin is lack-luster and I just feel gross. I’m missing out on the best years of my life and I don’t know how to stop it. I’m in a rut and don’t know where to start again to get myself out.
HERE’S HOW YOU START
Well 1st: YOU HAVE TO WANT IT – No one, not even yourself, can help you to get back on your feet if you’re not ready. You can cry as long as you want and wish as hard as you can, but until your mind is made and fixed… you’ll stay right where you are.
And 2: REPROGRAM YOUR THOUGHTS AND WORDS – The same way you recite the songs that you thought you hated, and probably still do, but are now convinced that you love them, because you keep humming them all day long- you have to do the same with your thoughts and your words. Your words have power and energy, as do your thoughts. What you chant with belief, is what will continue to materialize. Speak LIFE into your self.
And 3: MEDITATE ON IT – You don’t have to be a yogini or a spiritual guru to have some daily quiet time when you can be still and see with your mind and spirit. Sit silently and think about what you would like to do. Don’t convince yourself that it’s unattainable- believe that with hard work, you can achieve. Hard work yields results. If you don’t want to sit quietly with your thoughts, try other methods of meditation like online Solitaire, Candy Crush or even a long walk with an MP3 Player. But remember while you’re in those zones to allow your thoughts to interrupt at their will. Don’t force stop it and don’t force start it. Start to see yourself victoriously.
4th’ly: SET ATTAINABLE GOALS – Little goals can stimulate bigger goals and are easier to achieve. Once you’re able to meet a goal, you will start to develop a sense of accomplishment, once you feel accomplished in something again, your confidence will begin to bud. Little goals can start as small as you need them to: watch a how-to video on youtube each day, get out of the house for a walk, (Believe it or not- Getting out of the house is actually a HUGE goal for some), rearrange a piece of furniture to give your space a fresh look, WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS and things you would still like to accomplish. 🙂
And 5th: REDISCOVER YOUR PASSION – You would be surprised at how quickly depression can onset when you lose the very things that made your soul smile and your spirit leap for joy. “Where there is no vision, the people perish” – You can quickly die away when you are not visualizing yourself in the place that you desire to be. When you feet hit the floor in the morning and you don’t have a dream of what you want to do with your life, there is only darkness to look forward to. Remember the things that once brought you joy and add them to your attainable goals. If you loved acting, go on to acting websites and see the latest auditions are requirements. Create a mock resume and practice taking headshot photos, until you’re able to take the real ones. Brainstorm on how you can display your talents on youtube page (skit, monologue, joke, funny face) These are just examples of ways you can set smaller goals until you get to the bigger one: An Acting Class perhaps?
And 6th and last: FORGIVE YOURSELF and Forgive Others – If you’re not brave enough to utter the words to yourself or to anyone else, write it in a letter. One of the biggest things that holds us back from moving forward is the weight that we carry when we feel disappointed by ourselves or others. You have to know that everyone is trying to figure it out as well. You may have come across someone who was less evolved at the time that they hurt you, than they are now. You might be the person who was less evolved. Sometimes we just make bad decisions and the wrong choices seem to plague and haunt us for longer than it seems humanly fair for them to. You have to re-see the entire situation. As we get older and matured more, we can look back on situations and see when we could have chosen differently. The same way we could have, so could they have, but they didn’t because we all make unwise choices as some point but the key is to pick yourself up and give it another go. Come to terms with all the bad choices made in the past and forgive them for the sake of your tomorrow. how much longer should you make yourself suffer?
CAN YOU RELATE?
If you find you can relate, please share tips and stories about how you were able to get your confidence back. So many people are going through similar things and can use understanding.